Stupid Scam Watch: Magilla Gets a Hitman E-mail!
Got my first hitman scam e-mail this week. At first, I was excited. I’ve wanted to receive a hitman scam ever since they began appearing in 2006.
But then I realized I had been contacted by the Clem’s Closeout Bargains of hitman scammers.
For those unfamiliar with them, hitman scams are messages where someone claims to have a contract on the recipient’s life but will suspend the contract for a fee—usually from $50,000 to 150,000.
“Someone Has Paid L.T.T.E. To Assassinate You,” said the subject line in the one I received.
“Attention! Attention!! Attention!!!,” began the body copy.
“I want you to read this message very carefully, and keep the secret with you till further notice, you have no need knowing who I am, where am from, till I make out space for it. ZLiberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) had being paid $6,232 in full to terminate you for some important reasons unknown to us, but we strongly believe it your friend, relation or co workers,” it continued.
The e-mail then said for $1,630 I could get a video and four pictures of whomever took the contract out on my life, and for “$,830”—I assume they meant $1,830—I could get an audio tape and a hard copy of the document.
My money would be used to help launch a satellite of some sort to fight terrorism, drugs and assassinations, the scam said.
How altruistic of them.
$6,232? My head is worth $6,232? What, are someone’s property taxes due? And what’s with the $232? Are they calculating sales taxes on this transaction?
According to Wikipedia—yeah, yeah, I know. Not a reliable source. But it’ll do here—the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam, also known as the Tamil Tigers, is a militant Tamil nationalist organization that has waged a violent secessionist campaign against the Sri Lankan government since the 1970s in order to create a separate, socialist, Tamil state in the north and east of Sri Lanka, an island nation about 20 miles off the southern coast of India.
Imagine their to-do list: Attack local police, assassinate opposition politician, bomb parliament, fly to New York to put a cap in Ken Magill’s fat ass.
According to Expedia, roundtrip airfare from Colombo Sri Lanka to New York is $1,276.
The Tamil Tigers must work on some pretty slim margins. Moreover they are apparently the only non-unionized socialists on earth.
I responded to the e-mail—with an address set up specifically for this communication—that my head is worth at least $50,000 and that I refuse to negotiate with anyone who would agree to such a lame contract. Heck, I wrote, I’d pay $6,232 just to see what kind of moron would negotiate such a lame deal.
I have yet to hear back.
October 16th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Moreover they are apparently the only non-unionized socialists on earth. Looks like a promising business opportunity. Lots of helpful information.
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